Zac Reese was born in Del Mar, California, the only child of State Senator Randolph Reese and Lucy LaTour-Reese, co-host of the morning show, Wake Up, San Diego!
With his curly blonde hair and Paul Newman eyes, Zac was a magnet to the fairer sex. His girlfriends would shower him with “I love you’s” all the time, but Zac never thought to reciprocate. The closest Zac ever came to using those words was to his loyal basset hound, Dewey, and that was more of a “Who loves you? Who loves you? You know I do. Oh, yes I do. Yes, I do,” while rubbing the hound’s stubbly stomach.
When Dewey passed into doggie heaven at age ten, Zac was devastated. He paddled out to his favorite surfing spot with Dewey’s remains secured in a Starbucks coffee cup and poured him into the blue waters, choking back tears and sniffling “Who loves you? Who loves you? You know I do. Oh, yes I do. Yes, I do.”
Zac’s life took a hundred and eighty degree turn for the worst when he fell head over heels for the hottest model in the world, Greta Mueller.
Zac was awed by Greta’s beauty and saw her as the epitome of perfection, from her manufactured breasts way down to her manicured privates. In his mind, she was his equal in the looks department. For her part, Greta appreciated Zac’s sense of humor and bank account, but thought his blonde locks would look better on her six-year-old niece.
Greta and Zac married at the Hotel del Coronado.
Greta’s parents flew in from Germany, along with Christian Berger, the knockwurst from Greta’s past. But even Zac’s blonde hair and blue eyes were not enough to convince Hans that his daughter was marrying the right man.
Senator Reese was appalled that his son was marrying someone whose family was probably Nazi sympathizers. And who was this Christian Berger character? Who invited him? For her part, Lucy LaTour-Reese thought Greta’s hair looked fabulous.
After the brief ceremony, the guests ate Mexican and slurped from the Margarita stations set up throughout the spacious grounds. As everyone danced to the sounds of local surf band, The Wives of Mickey Rooney, the newly-minted Greta Mueller-Reese cornered Zac’s best man, William Bixby, behind a withered Eucalyptus tree and grabbed onto his member through his thin linen pants, rubbing it with the same vigor Zac exerted while waxing his surfboard.
Meanwhile, Christian Berger, distraught that his beloved Greta was now married, attempted suicide by tequila. He staggered from station to station, downing one margarita after another, hoping to summon up the courage to wade into the Pacific Ocean and end it all. Lucy Latour- Reese, having noticed Christian’s odd behavior, walked up from behind and tapped him on the shoulder to see if everything was alright. As Christian spun around, nausea took over and he emptied his drunken insides all down Lucy’s low-cut designer gown. In a stunning display of self-defense, Lucy leveled Christian with an overhand right. Weddings.
Zac and Greta maintained their marital charade up until the fateful dinner at their favorite restaurant, The Bluffs. The hilltop locale created the perfect scenario for the drunken spouses, who began their final foray by tossing wine on one another, then stabbing each other with butter knives. They ended up rolling around the restaurant’s outdoor patio until one last rotation sent Zac plummeting over the edge and into the darkness below. Unfortunately for Zac, the surf was not up that evening.